A Mans' World

 A Mans' World

  A Short Story by The Southern Cross

 Published by Troll

Man, Cafe is hot today oh.

Everyone here is sweating. Good thing I’m wearing just this tee shirt. Thank God dad bought it for me when he went to Yankee. It’s so fresh!

Those chics are standing near that Ice cream girl again. Don’t they ever have anything better to do? That tall yellow one that is always forming like she doesn’t see anybody. See her shakara. Nonsense.

So what do I do now? This Cafe sef. I don’t even know why I keep on coming here. I guess joblessness can be a bitch in heels sometimes.

Should I buy food?  Hmm...

I won’t lie, I’m tired of that stupid mixed rice. Bashan? Maybe that tall yellow girl will see me buying it and notice me. Chai! O boy, what are you saying? You only get 700 naira for pocket. If you chop Bashan because of woman, you know say na garri for two days.

Ok, ok, maybe I can buy a drink. Limca might make brain right now. Wait first. If I buy Limca, that other babe standing at the drinks place wearing a djellaba would see me and think I’m broke. But if I buy Chi Exotic –

Come on, boy, MOVE! Those ice cream chics are staring at you like you’re a werewolf baby. How long have I been standing here? Chin up, chest out! No, no, don’t look at them. Damn it! I think she caught me looking. Oya, just walk.

Easy, easy. Just pull the swagger, hand in pocket. Nice one. O boy, you look fly, no worries. Good, I can’t see them again. Whew. Why was that light-skinned one looking at me like that though? I’m sure she was feeling my shirt. Hmm! Guy, you’re just too fresh. Ehen, where was I going again? Maybe –

Oh my Gosh!

She’s here! She’s here, next to the drinks place! Oh no. Why now? For the past one week I’ve been wearing my best combos, and the day she now decides to show up is the day I’m wearing this useless tee shirt, looking terribly scruffy.  Did I use perfume? Okay, yes. Just imagine if I hadn’t randomly decided to brush my teeth this evening.

See how my heart is beating. This girl oh. And she has no idea what she’s doing to me.  I’m always forming I can’t see her when she walks past me in college. Even when our eyes meet, I don’t even smile at her. I hope she doesn’t think I don’t send her oh. But wait, isn’t it better if she does...?

Ah, she hasn’t seen me. She’s smiling at something. Oh, look at those perfect pearly whites! She’s so fine, and she doesn’t act like she has even the slightest idea of this. I must talk to her today. I must say something.

Man, you’re getting closer to her. Is my heart beating faster? Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. I mean, I could always see her again at the college. You know, talk to her there. It might be better...

Guy! Your liver don dey fail oh! Just go and meet her! Talk to her. It’s you now. You can think of something witty to say.

Wait, slow down. Who’s that boy standing next to her? Maybe he’s just standing really, really close to her by mistake.

Omo, I think he’s talking to her. Chai, she’s smiling at him. Did she just touch his cheek? Ah! In Cafe?! That must be her new boyfriend. See? I knew I should have talked to her since. See how they’re laughing now. That could have been me. Instead, I am here standing in the middle of Cafeteria One like an imbecile. Fuck me! I better go and jeje-ly buy my mixed rice and two beef.

But wait oh. Who’s that girl joining them? She’s hugging the guy! Ode, that’s her guy. Look. They’re walking away hand in hand.

Okay, she’s alone now. Hands in pockets, look cool. Slow down though. Don’t rush to her. Take your time. You’re a big boy, remember?

Jesus! Did she just look at me? Oh my God, let me die now!

Guy, get a hold of yourself. You’re a man, and you’re twelve feet from an impossibly beautiful Greek goddess in human flesh. Hang on. That thought’s not helping. At all.

Yowzer! She’s smiling in my direction! No, it can’t be at me. There must some fine, rich boy next to me that she’s smiling at. No one on my left. No one to my right. Omo, it’s you she’s smiling at oh.

Smile back you moron! Not like that. God, I must look like a starved hyena. I better close my mouth before I make her run away. Walk straight; she can’t see you walk anyhow oh!

Ye! What am I going to say? I can’t be dumb enough to say something as boringly stupid as ‘Hi’. No, think quick, you’ll be in front of her in about 3 seconds.

(Hey you) No, too boring!

(I saw you standing by yourself and thought I could keep you company) Too long!

(I couldn’t resist the charms of an angel) Kai! No be Nollywood you dey!

(Fine night, isn’t it?) No it’s not, it’s HOT you idiot!

(You’re the sky and I wish I could be your sun) Hahahaha! Ode.

(I love you so much) Are you crazy?!

Open your mouth, she’s here. Say something. Anything! She’s smiling at you, waiting for you! Okay, okay, I know what to say. Perfect. Take a deep breath –

“Hi, Adannaya.”

Ah fuck.

^v^v^ Southern Cross ^v^v^